Living Together…First?

At first mention of this topic “living together”, or in other words, the rational choice of a young couple that is desperately afraid that marriage is going to be too confining, and freedom to roam must never be compromised; I want to crap on it, and shake my head with judgement and yell out, “No! What are you doing? Don’t you realize that the relationship between a man and a woman is sacred, and when you practice it correctly, you are blessed?!” That’s when I stop myself…

and then I remember that marriage is scary, and it’s hard to look at it as a lifetime commitment.

Therefore, when a young couple wants to try “What the rest of my life could end up like, before I take that step,” it actually seems logical. It makes me think of shopping at Sam’s, as they seem to want you to try a free sample before taking the risk of making the purchase, and then there is the fear (if you don’t sample it first) of feeling stuck with something you really don’t want. Of course there’s the inconvenience of the big purchases that you have to travel back to the store to return – to get the money back- which can be a long journey if you live out in the country.

In other words, divorce can be expensive. It can take a long time to get, and result as a life long hurt. So…..try it, and if you like it, then go through with it, right? Well, let me see…I’m still thinking…and…uhhhh, give me a minute, because I’ve been married a long time, annnnnnd from my perspective;

life works better when you don’t live together first, and here is why (just in case you want to know).

They can leave, plain and simple. When you’re married, something happens after year one, and sometimes year two. You’re bound to each other. You don’t know what it is, but you don’t want to live apart. Something magical, Biblical, super natural, however you want to describe it, a bonding takes place and suddenly, you’re willing to give of yourself because you just don’t want to live alone anymore. “The Break Up” was probably one of the best shows that clarified what I’m talking about. The couple was used to each other. They didn’t want to be with anybody else, but in the end, the games that they could play because they weren’t married, and the damage that they kept punching into the relationship, over and over again, the hurt and pain couldn’t be repaired. They left each other crippled, without really wanting or meaning to.

Marriage is that way; growing together, approving of each other, getting better with time, learning each other and dealing with the world with the encouragement of your spouse to help you live in it. What you know, the other doesn’t. What he knows, you haven’t learned yet, but you will because that’s why you fit. You both can improve each other, and then you’re a stronger human being. Bonding, encouragement, strength, weakness, truth, dedication, and accomplishment, that’s what one reaps from marriage. Living together, you have a roommate that can leave, plain and simple.

I understand why you’d want to try out the “we’re gonna live together” lifestyle with that person. But in the end, don’t. Do this instead…

Make sure you like the person, there’s no detrimental skeletons in the closet, the family is somewhat on board, (that is if you plan to see them after you’re married) and then, get married. You will finish strong, and without regret when you do. The next thing you need to know…

Stay lovable through the years. Show the other what they fell in love with from time to time. Life gets busy, they don’t need to see it everyday, but they do every now and then.

Speak the love language from time to time, even though we’re all tired, still do it. You’d swallow a months worth of hatred, anger, and agitation to smile at a stranger; show the same minute kindness to your spouse, from time to time. Then, when you can’t do these things due to pride, pray. As easy as that sounds, people won’t. Do it, and see what happens. Even if you don’t want to, or feel as though you’re in the right mindset, do it, because the effects are lasting.

Marriage trumps living together. BUT know who you’re marrying, and question everything about them before you enter into it. In the end, it’s your story to live and tell, so I can’t tell you anymore. Just live happy!